Author: Stephanie Connor

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The Year of Becoming

I don’t do resolutions. I usually pick a word of the year. But this year that doesn’t feel right to me. One word can’t encompass everything I have been through in 2022.

This has been one of the hardest years of my life. When you stuff grief into your luggage and you don’t deal with it, you never know how or when it will show up again. Complex childhood trauma creates a lot of grief that we aren’t taught is grief. We are told how to feel about it and then if we don’t move on from it based on someone else’s timeline, then we are weak or we are too much or some other projection of their subconscious. And when that childhood trauma is so pervasive in everyday life as a child, you don’t realize just how much it shapes and informs your decisions and behaviors later in life.

For me, as a teenager, I decided to just put one foot in front of the other toward building the life I dreamed of having. Being the best mother I could be, having the best marriage I could have, helping other people who have been through what I have been through, making my community and the world a better place for all humans, and anything good and positive that I could lean into. But I didn’t use that to bury my head in the sand and ignore my problems. I grabbed every self help book that resonated. I journal nearly every day. I sought help from experts and researched new approaches. I worked on my emotional responses, my belief systems, my internal triggers, how I communicate, my sexual and feminine repression, deconstructing weaponized religion and moving into spirituality, and so much more. Every year that I was uncovering more of me, I was also unlocking the very well kept grief of it all.

This year that grief said you have no choice but to finally deal with me. Here is your depression. 

In the past, I wouldn’t have said that I battled with depression. Because I didn't see myself as depressed. I saw it as seasons of healing. Not that THAT isn't true. Because with each resurfacing of pain, I did work through those things that came up. But I worked through the situation just enough so I could get back to being the best wife, mother, and community member I could be. It was like when you take antibiotics for an infection but as soon as you start to feel better you stop taking your meds. And somewhere deep in your system the infection is festering and will come back worse. I couldn’t use my mental health as an excuse to be absent like my mother and father were. I owed my children everything of me.


So I got up extra early to work on myself. I tried to work through my inner shit when they were otherwise busy with sports, or friends or hobbies. I gave up large pieces of myself to homeschool  and give them a great education. I worked hard to be an example of a contributing community member through volunteer work, making our home a safe haven for other children in pain, and always being at the ready to serve when a call for help would come in.

I do love helping others. I don’t do it because of recognition or accolades. It is my purpose on this planet to help and serve and love the shit out of other people. I love so hard and so easily sometimes that I have been told it is intimidating to be loved by me. I do it without even realizing I am doing it or that I am doing it to the point of losing myself in it.

One thing that people don’t talk about is the circular staircase effect when it comes to working through complex trauma. I used to call it the onion but that metaphor isn’t truly accurate. Because for people like me, doing the work means taking a step up the staircase and elevating more into myself but also each aspect of the trauma is layered. It will come back around with the next layer at some point. This can be repressed memories or integrating parts of a memory that you once dissociated. The layers reveal themselves when you are doing the work and as your conscious mind is ready to deal with the next aspect.

When you want to work on your inner shit, your subconscious is being told “let me have it”. And when you work through your stuff regularly, or you have a lot of shit to work through, it feels like a constant onslaught. A human being can only handle so much of that for so long, so in order to get relief, humans tend to push it all back in the luggage. And then we can wear the carefree mask for a while. I don’t even want to be around my trauma and my grief this much so how can other people want to be around me when things get hard for me? 

My husband told me recently he thinks he has become numb to sadness because I have a lot of big and deep emotions all of the time. It triggered me. I spent my whole childhood being told I was too much of something and that meant that I was too hard to love. My mother and older sister both told me that their lives would be easier if I wasn’t here. And their actions reinforced it often enough that I started to believe them. I was just a child. I still struggle with anything that I interpret as someone telling me I am too much or a lot to handle. It makes me feel unworthy of love and that I have to earn love by being less.

So for 27 years, I have pushed forward. The pattern of: do some work, come up for air, build a “normal” life for us all, see the pain still hovering under the surface, feel the tide pushing it up, do some more work. This pattern worked for me for a long time. It got me to where I am today, which is someone who broke the cycle of trauma and is helping many others to do the same. The tools and systems of one job will not work as well in another. In essence, The things that got me out of the cycle won’t help me build the future. 

When I started to feel the tide pushing things up to the surface near the end of 2021, I knew what that meant. I knew what was coming. And intuitively I knew that my old tools weren’t going to work with this version of me. She is done forcing, pretending, stepping aside, putting herself on the back burner, making it easy for other people to take advantage of her giving and loving, and is no longer available for people who don’t want to try to understand her. But I did it anyway. I started doing all the old things of find some new books that deal with what is coming up. Get serious about spiritual work and journaling. Get back into a steady workout routine. Lean into the healthiest foods. Get up earlier and carve out more time. Shut off your desires and suck it up buttercup. You need to get laser focused if you are going to keep from drowning in this.

And I could feel myself sinking in even deeper when the repressed memories started showing up in my dreams. I started experiencing childhood regression of sleep problems. Falling asleep was becoming im[possible because the memories were so ugly and painful. Staying asleep was even harder. I would often wake myself up from sobbing in my sleep. And the less sleep I got, the more I could feel the pulling of my soul into the deep end.  I started to unravel in ways I have never experienced before. 

It’s really dark in the deep end. And it is incredibly lonely. I have learned that most people in my life can’t handle even talking about the deep end with me. I am surrounded by a lot of people who can’t handle the depth of my pain and only want to be in my presence when I am wearing the mask of happiness and doer. 

People who don’t have depression or mental illness have a spectrum of ideas and opinions about it, most of which come nowhere near close to the truth. I have heard all sorts of opinions over the years. You must be mentally weak if you can’t just get over it. If you would stop holding a grudge then the memories wouldn’t have a hold on you and wouldn’t be so miserable all the time. Doesn’t the life you have built undo all those old thoughts and feelings? You are making depression happen to you when you talk about your trauma. Plenty of other people have had those same things happen to them and you don’t see them depressed. You have such a good life with your husband, kids, friends, family and community. How can you possibly have it hard? You seem so strong. How can you have depression?

Depression and Complex PTSD aren’t items you pick up and put down at will. 

The acknowledgment that I do in fact deal with depression was the first step. The next was that I needed to create a bubble where I could just focus on my own healing and health. I let everyone in my life know that I needed space, including my children. I only have 1 minor child left at home. When my adult kids call and I don’t answer the phone right away, they often text and ask why I didn’t answer the phone. They are used to having unlimited access to me at the drop of a hat. I did that. I created that. Because I wanted them to know that their mom was always there for them. That she would always be there for them no matter what. That there was a security and a safety in their mother always. What I didn’t know is that it would require me to give up my privacy, my autonomy, and my sense of self value that I was more than just a mom. I don’t know how to NOT be there for my kids. I feel epic levels of guilt when I see they are calling and I don’t rush to answer the phone. Knowing this about myself meant that I needed them to lean on their dad during this time and not contact me directly. That just added to my mom guilt!

Most people didn’t understand my need to cocoon. They internalized that I was mad at them or that I was being a snob or even that I was being selfish and not sharing my everything with them so they could “be there for me”. People have a hard time being there for me the way I am there for them. I couldn’t take the feelings of rejection when they couldn’t or wouldn’t sit with me in my pain and I certainly wasn’t willing to try to make them feel better about what I was going through. I needed to cocoon in order to fully take care of myself for the first time in my life. 42 years worth of grief is a lot to deal with.

I have almost daily childhood trauma, physical abuse, sexual abuse, rape, neglect, poverty, shuffled around between houses and family who made it clear that they didn’t really want me. I have 2 children who are no longer living and buried both of my parents and all of my grandparents long before I turned 40. I have a bio family that isn’t healthy for me to have relationships with. The only place of belonging I have ever felt in my life is when I am alone with my husband. Everything else can bring up feelings of insecurity and self consciousness. After 22 years in my husband's family, I still often feel like an outsider, especially when the whole family gets together.

The next step toward being able to cocoon meant that I needed to ask my husband something I have never asked for; for him to stop everything and take care of me. When our daughter Allyson died, I got up and took care of our other 2 children when he went to work. When my dad died, a friend came to help me for an afternoon when he went to work. When my mother died, his parents took care of our kids when he went to work. When our youngest son was born via cesarean and our other kids had to be chauffeured everywhere and he was 

coaching for the 6 weeks I was healing and his paternity leave was used up taking care of other people. I have my whole life been the caretaker even when I was struggling. I have always, even in my pain, gotten up and taken care of our lives. I never asked for someone to take care of me. I was trained to believe that I wasn’t allowed to do that. But this time, I knew that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be around to take care of them ever again. So I gathered up all of my courage and asked my husband to take time off of work to stay home with me, take care of Weston, and take care of me; to learn to do more of the house management, to do more of the family management, and to learn how to lean in for me.

And it was really helping me. I was slowing down and learning to listen to my soul much deeper than ever before. I wasn’t plagued with “MOM” all day long and I found the mental space I had been craving my whole life. He wasn’t home everyday all day but he was home for pockets that gave me hope. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. This space of pockets lasted 6 weeks. It was enough for me to suck it up and fake it again but it wasn’t enough for me to BE better. 

And then our son came home for a 2 week leave from the military with his new fiancé. Not only was I far from well but I was going to have this future daughter in law in my home for 2 weeks straight and we had never met. I had to suck it up. I had to be okay. I had to put my best foot forward. Especially when they announced that they would be getting married while they were home…now I had to help plan a wedding and a celebration in under a week with a young woman I barely knew who would be joining our family. I have never felt so disconnected from myself and my children. I had to push the depression to the side as much as humanly possible because I couldn’t let my problems interfere with my kids' big life moment. I was a huge fucking mess the entire time they were here. Which just continued to prolong the resurfacing out of the deep end. The moment they headed back to Italy, I sunk into the deep end again but this time Covid had joined me. I was horribly sick for 4 weeks and I am positive that my deep depression had a lot to do with me staying sick with it for so long.

During this time our oldest daughter had given birth prematurely to twins. The months of medical ups and downs with the babies, the feelings of celebration to be washed over with more setbacks. And then finally, both babies got to come home! With all the round the clock care that they still needed and a 3 yr old at home with a dad who had to go back to work, our daughter needed help but not just with the kids but also someone who would step in and take care of her too. So Wes and I packed up the car and headed to Montana. It was exhausting and exhilarating to be in that space of babies and toddler again. My grandkids are so full of personality and life and their snuggles can heal a soul on a level that words could never touch. It was wonderful to just unplug from my “real” life and dive into being with Krista and her family. To make memories with Violet, to feed them all, to nurture them all, to put my heart into giving and receiving love on a primal level. To feel that I was wanted there but not just because of what I could do for them but because of what I meant to them. My soul started to resurface during those 2 weeks. The day we had to get in the car to leave, all of us were emotional. The hugs lasted longer than usual. The goodbyes were repeated again and again until we were unable to see them on the front porch. I cried for the next 30 min of driving, my soul feeling like it was breaking and leaving something behind all at the same time. 

And then back to my “real” life. Within days, the rut had reappeared and I realized that it wasn’t just depression that I was battling. It was being stuck. There are 4 times this year when I got out of my town and I started to see my passion for life re-emerge. 

There is a thing that happens with small towns. They have a way of making the rest of the world disappear. This can have a healing property but it can also create massive isolation. And my particular small town is remote enough that it doesn’t take much to make you feel stuck when you have a soul that needs exploration, experiences, and travel. For 2 years, my soul wasn’t allowed what it was craving. This was the beginning of the unlocking of my grief and the rise of my depression.

I am not better yet. But I am doing better every month. I am rediscovering, redefining, and re-inventing. I am becoming. I no longer see depression as a thing to treat. I see it as my guide to finding the fullest version of me. I learned this year that when depression surfaces for me, it is because I am denying my soul of something it craves for long enough that my soul needs to scream. Depression is my soul screaming to be heard. And I am learning how to listen.

I didn’t choose a word for 2023. I chose a phrase. One that will guide me to keep listening. One that will help me to act on what I hear. One that will shape the tools of my future. One that throws out arbitrary rules and allows me to just simply discover the future me.

This is the year of becoming; how good is it gonna get?

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Why “energy vampires” are bul$h*t.

There is no such thing as energy vampires, only people and situations you keep giving your energy to…
 
Man, that one can really sting right?
 
But it can also bring you SO much relief!
 
Think about it.  No one is walking around this world consciously thinking, “I am going to suck the energy from this person every chance I get no matter what!”  Most people are simply tunnel visioned with their own problems and their own pain that they don’t look up long enough to see how their behavior is affecting the world around them.  They cannot see the ripple effect.
 
And until they decide to choose awareness, there is nothing you can say or do that will change their behavior.  You only have control over your actions and reactions.
 
So now what?
 
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You can choose to see through their pain, through their stuckness, and see the humanity that is struggling.
 
OR
 
You can choose to see them as weak, incapable, less than, or even evil.
 
If you choose to see them as less than, you will also see yourself as better than.  This will limit your own growth.  No one continue to work on themselves when they think that they have already arrived and that everyone else needs to catch up.  This will create loneliness, anger, resentment, and so many more isolating emotions and reactions.
 
But if you choose to see them as a fellow human who is stuck on a problem that is different than your own, then you will continue to grow for yourself and be an example to all those around you.  You will be the change that you want to see in the world.  You will be able to also make a difference in that person’s life in ways you couldn’t even imagine.
 
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When I was in the health and fitness world, I worked with a woman who was extremely overweight but carried herself as if she was the tiniest creature on the planet because she was so afraid to be seen.  And when I say seen, I mean more than just noticed by the eye of another.  She was afraid to be noticed in any way.  She shrunk away from everything in her life including her mothering because her lack of self worth was so deep rooted.
 
Through the next 2 years, we worked on her inner shit so that she could hold her head high, be proud of her physical accomplishments (more importantly her mental and emotional ones), create boundaries for her work and her children that felt right for her family, AND grow in her confidence to rebuild healthy relationships with people she loved and missed including her ex-husband. 
 
Through our work together, she learned so much about herself but also was able to see how her lack of self-worth contributed to her unhealthy marriage.  Once she was able to pick her head up and look around, she started to see all the areas where her finger pointing led her right back to realizing that she had just as much of the blame of contribution as others carried in her relationships.
 
When the inside gets aligned, the outside can’t help but follow.  She is now happily remarried to her ex with another child in their arms to hold, living on a plot of land that brings her joy, and working toward creating the next level of joy in her life by working further toward her dreams.
 
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This is just one of the many areas I help clients with but in case you didn’t know, I specialize in helping women unchain themselves from past trauma in order to step into their uniqueness and shine their light openly in the world. 
 
Yup!  That covers a lot!  Health, wealth, mindset, belief, relationships, business, sexuality, spirituality…the list goes on. 
 
So take a moment and do an inventory.  Where in your life do you see your energy vampires?  What do you think this is trying to tell you?  What do you want to do about it?
 
Once you answer those questions, click the link below and book your consultation with me.  I can help you create a plan and a process that will allow you steps to freedom in ways you can’t see when you head is down.  Let me lift your chin up, Sister, so you can see more beauty in the world around you.
 
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Book Your Consultation HERE
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Why You Shouldn’t Hire a Life Coach

Coaching is the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me.  I have spent decades working on my inner shit. I started when I was 15 and I haven’t stopped yet.  I have used books and workbooks, workshops, online programs, retreats, and coaches. Coaching is hands down the most transformative for me and for my clients as well.  Don’t get me wrong, I get a lot of help and support from these other tools for sure! They have a valuable place in my growth.

 But when I want to get real and make drastic change in my life quickly, I reach for a coach to get my head clear and to get out of my own way.

Working with a life coach isn’t for everyone.  If you are content with the status quo then coaching may not be a good fit for you.  Here are 5 reasons why coaching wouldn’t work for you:

  1. You want to be told what to do.It is not my job as a coach to tell you what to do and how to do it. My main role is to help you, the client, determine what is best for you and then help you create a plan to achieve it all while holding you accountable. As your coach, I see you as creative, resourceful and completely competent to run your own life.  Yes there may be times when a coach will observe something that the client doesn’t see and in that moment we will share our observations, but it is up to you, the client, to decide what you want to do with that observation. In our sessions, I will help you break things down into manageable bite size pieces and then those bite size pieces will become homework for you to do between our sessions.  As you do those homework assignments, you will learn to deepen your trust in your own instincts and learn how to listen to your own inner voice in order to create more progress faster.
  1. You believe your life is good enough.There are some people who are perfectly content with their life just the way it is and that is A-Okay!  Being content is always a great thing to practice, like gratitude! But when “good enough” comes at the expense of your dreams, then maybe there is something deeper to look at.  A life coach can help you take a deeper look at what beliefs and thoughts might be getting in the way of you taking any steps toward your dreams, and then help you create a plan and take the steps you need to achieve those dreams.  You don’t have to settle for “good enough” if it isn’t what you really want out of your life.
  1. You hate change.Change is scary, I get it!  We live in a society where creature comforts can be ordered and delivered in minutes all from the comfort of our pajamas and couches! Amazon anyone?  Life coaches are all about change: changing thought patterns, changing behaviors, changing word choice...looking at any area that could use change in order to improve your life.  A life coach will push you toward change and if you don’t want to move outside of your comfort zone, they will challenge you to not just look outside of your comfort zone, but to take steps to move away from it.  Change does not happen inside the comfort zone. Life coaches are all about change because that is where the transformation occurs!
  1. You don’t want to pay.
    When you look around your space right now, you can see all the material things you are willing to invest in to get good quality items; maybe your high-end smart phone, your car, your hair care or skin care products, your hobbies even.  But are those material items more valuable than your own inner wellbeing? The value you get from working with a coach will outweigh the amount of money you invest in all your material items. Your return on investment will never cease to end because you will not only continue to grow as you learn more about yourself, but you will help others around you to do the same.  Want to impact your world in a big way? Hire a coach.  There are so many self help freebies out there, why do you have to pay so much money for a life coach to tell you what a book from the library can?  Yes, those books are helpful. I have used many in my lifetime to help me achieve things that I want to improve upon. But those books don’t zero in on what is unique to you. Personal one on one coaching or even group coaching can help you pinpoint clearly the exact ideas and beliefs that are holding you back.  A great coach will be able to observe your specific patterns and help you not only become aware of them, but also help you build tools that will allow you to create new patterns that support you instead of hold you back.  
  1. You don’t want to improve your relationships.This is the number one area that every single one of my clients has expressed improvement.  Working with a coach will absolutely improve your relationships so if you don't want that, then keep moving.  When you take the time to learn more about yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, you find that it is naturally easy for you to do the same with the other people in your life.  You have more patience. You give more grace. You learn what the small stuff is for you and what your deal breakers are. You learn to improve your ways of communication so that not only are you feeling heard but so is the other person.  You learn how to calmly and lovingly stand up for yourself and create boundaries that are healthy. But if you are good with the way things are in your life right now, then coaching may not be for you.

Today’s habits are tomorrow's results.  What do you want tomorrow’s results to be?

Decided that Coaching is right for you?  Click the button below to check out all the coaching options I offer.

Get Started With Coaching

I look forward to working with you!

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12 Reasons Why You Should Consider a Life Coach

I get asked often what a life coach is.

In a nutshell, I will tell you that it is my

job to help you build a life you are in LOVE with.

So why do people go to a life coach in the first place?

Here are 12 reasons why people choose to work with me.

  • You Feel Lost:  Everyone has something that they feel uncertain of.  Maybe it is your career, or your love life, or maybe your spirituality.  Heck, maybe you don’t even know what IT is! This is where I come in. As your coach, I work with you to discover where this feeling is coming from and then together we create a plan around regaining assurance in your life. 

  • You Doubt Yourself: We all do it.  You are not alone. Maybe you think you are not good enough in your marriage, your job, as a parent, as a friend, but you don’t have to stay doubtful.  Coaching allows me to help you get to the bottom of why you doubt yourself and then create action around learning to listen to your soul so that you are empowered to believe in yourself again and trust that you are valuable and worthy.

  • You Have a Vision But No Clear Plan:  You open your eyes one day and after taking a good look around, realize that you are not living the life you imagined.  You may not be sure how you got there and you are damn sure you don’t know how to get where you want to be. As a coach, I get to help you uncover what it is you really want out of your life and then help you create a plan to achieve just that.  I continue to work with you as obstacles arise to help you keep moving in the direction you want to go in. 

  • You Want to Change Your Profession: Changing jobs can be a very scary endeavor.  Maybe you know what you want to do and maybe you don’t. Maybe you struggle with the courage to follow your dreams, or maybe you can’t see how you could even achieve such a lofty goal.  Digging in to your desires and fears allows me to help you define which action steps are the right path for you and support you as you work to complete them.

  • You Need to Improve Your Health: You want to improve your health but you just can’t seem to stay motivated with any of the things that will help you get there.  Coaching sessions can be easily tailored to create support and accountability in all the areas of health; physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

  • You Tend To Forget Things:  Remembering things isn’t always a memory/cognitive issue.  Sometimes it is a subconscious issue. Our subconscious has a way of making sure it is heard!  If we are repeatedly forgetting something that “should” be of importance in our life, there is likely an underlying reason.  Coaching can help you uncover this and then using tools and techniques, teach you how to take back control of your life.

  • You Don’t Always Follow Through: You start things but just can’t seem to finish them…You are not the only one.  I have tools and techniques to help you learn to become a finisher in your life.  

  • Your a Procrastinator:  Many people think that procrastination stems from a fear of failure but this is not true.  It comes from a fear of success. People who have an underlying fear of success shy away from the activities that will bring them what they say they want.  All the while, their subconscious is having playtime holding them back because the belief is that success brings more work. I can help you get to the bottom of those beliefs that are holding you back and help you re-frame your messaging to learn to trust in yourself and enjoy going after more success.

  • You Don’t Have a Lot of Time to Waste:  Time is the only commodity that we cannot make more of.  You will hear me say this all the time! You have things to do, and places to go in this world and you do not have the time to just wade through the mud hoping to get there.  The tools and techniques you learn through coaching can help you quickly accelerate your momentum toward getting where you want to go in life.

  • You Need to Make More Money:  Money is often a taboo topic. And it shouldn’t be.  Often, we do not realize the messed up money stories we are carrying around that are holding us back from bringing more money into our lives.  As your coach, I will help you uncover those messed up money stories, teach you the tools you need to overcome those messed up money stories, and help you to create a new perspective around money in order to bring more of it into your life.

  • You are Susceptible to Stress: Stress, we all know this creature…it can come without warning and flood everything in our lives.  We feel the physical reaction in our bodies. We know it affects what we choose to do, eat, how we sleep, and so much more. But not many people have tools to help manage stress when it shows up.  Through coaching, I can teach you tools and techniques to manage stress in a way that can become easy and effortless as you practice them.

  • Your Self Confidence Could Use a Boost: Building self confidence is the #1 reason people come to me.  Having a strong self confidence is what everyone wants. They want to feel comfortable in their own skin and to not be concerned with the judgments of others.  They want to hold their head up high and trust in themselves. This can seem like an impossible task for some but with the support of me as your coach, I can absolutely help you build your self confidence one layer at a time.

Coaching has done wonders for me personally as well as my clients. 

Here’s what a few of them have to say:

Rebecka says: “Stephanie is incredible! Her heart is absolutely golden, and anyone who has had the opportunity to work with her leaves with a completely different mindset, ready to master their fears, and see their own value and worth. I have been incredibly lucky to have had the chance to work with her for over 2 years and she has taught me so much about leading with heart, believing in myself, and given me confidence to become everything I’ve ever wanted to be and so much more. I highly recommend Stephanie!! She’s worth more than I could ever give her return. Thank you Stephanie for always being so incredible and for everything you’ve done for me. I absolutely love you!!!”

Karen says: “I have coached with Stephanie a couple of times and both sessions resulted in life changing focus. In our first session we worked on a life mantra with the intent of manifesting a lifestyle that I have always dreamed of. In two short months my life focus has flipped and everything she helped me identify as true desires are unfolding at a pace that frankly is unbelievable .. Thank you God for listening … Our second session focused on a personal mission statement work which has been equally insightful leaving me with a very clear focus. Thank you Stephanie for helping me get out of my own way and focused on the true desires of my soul. You are a blessing and have a true gift. I look forward to continued growth alongside you. I am grateful for the work .. more importantly you.”

Jennifer says: “I’m blown away….. After just one visit with Stephanie, she has helped me organize the million ideas I had in my head. I came to her with a load of ideas for a business but had no idea what it all meant, let alone organize it all. Not only do I have a step by step plan of action, a killer business theme that gets me excited every time I think about it, but we also uncovered areas about myself that was blocking me from moving forward in success. I went in thinking I was going to get answers for one thing and left totally baffled with what was uncovered and new and better improved ideas for my business idea. I can’t wait for our next session.Stephanie is a superb coach that truly leaves you feeling Radiant! I highly recommend her.”

Janee says: “Stephanie is an intuitive Life Coach, her understanding and compassion fills the energy around her. She is welcoming and skilled as she walks you through your own thoughts and feelings so you can discover the solutions that are just right for you.”

Kelley says: “Stephanie was there for be during a part of my life that I struggled deeply with grief and how to move on with my healing. She comforted me yet talked me through the barriers I needed to break down. She was vital in my healing process and I can’t thank her enough!”

If you are ready to start seeing this kind of movement in your life, I got you!

Click the button below to choose the option that is right for you.

I AM READY!

Let’s do this thing!

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It’s Time for a Break.

Of Course!

I write a blog post about time management and proceed to talk about how much my kids have gained from these tools and then…the whole next week falls apart!

I mean, isn’t it true as parents that just when we think we have our kids figured out, they go and change the game on us without warning?

Yup, that’s what happened this last week in my house!

No one could seem to manage even the most basic of task management this week. Rules were ignored, manners were lacking, and time didn’t even seem to exist for some members of my household.

And all it made me want to do (even with all my skills and tools) was lose my shit!  I could feel the frustration building in me, the irritation of it all coming to a boil.  I spent night after night reviewing the “contributing citizen” speech, asking for them to repeat the breakdown of each person’s role and responsibilities in the community of our home, and then to have each one tell me what they would like to do about turning this back around. (Can you hear my robotic voice as you read this? Sometimes I feel like the teacher and parents from the Peanuts cartoons!)

The thing is, we can have wonderful habits built into our lives and our days.  We can teach our children skills that will empower them and build independence.  And doing this with them and for them allows us to see where they are progressing in their behavior.

But have you ever found yourself looking back and saying, “what happened?  How did I get off track?” Because somewhere along the line you let yourself off the hook of a habit that was good for you.

We all do it.  

Maybe you are an early riser.  Your morning routine is one of peace and production.  You get up while the rest of the house is silent. Maybe you journal, read, meditate, savor your morning coffee, workout, shower, or knock out a few chores before the world awakes.  And then one day, you feel just bone tired. You think “I am crushing this thing called life so I will just give myself a break.” And before you know it, you have become the person who uses the snooze on the alarm and spends most of your day feeling like you are 10 steps behind. Every. Damn. Day.

Our kids go through this too.

I clearly needed that reminder this week; that part of time management and keeping habits going is that we need to build in breaks.

I am not talking about Netflix binging benders that last for days where you don’t really change from your bedtime clothes to your couch clothes and then catch a whiff of something and realize that something is you.

But maybe you do need a day of this every month.  Maybe you need to block out a few hours a week to just do something that brings your soul some rest.  

Truth is, when we get like this, it’s not our bodies that are burnt out.  It’s our souls.

And teaching our kids how to unwind in healthy ways should very much be a part of our time management toolbox too.

My habit is to front load my day.  I put all the big important things in my day first.  My health gets attention first with working out, getting ready for my day, and making a healthy breakfast.  My family comes next with planning out who will be where and when and how they are getting there. Then I try to tackle at least one thing around the house even if it is simply putting away everything I used that morning so my home is welcoming to come home to and I take out anything that I need thawed for that night’s dinner. And then I am off to the business and there I tackle the highest priority for that day first.  That way, if I get pulled away, I know that the most important thing got done.

By front loading my day, I am working when my brain is fresh and so is my energy.  This way, when I get home, all my major decision making is done for the day. I know what I am cooking for dinner and once dinner is done, then I am free to help kids with homework, lay low with a book or a tv show, or hang with the hubby.

Also by helping my kids do this, I am teaching them how to build in healthy time to unwind every day so that burn out is less likely to happen.

Take a minute and think about your day.  Place your hand over your heart. Ask yourself, “what does my soul need right now?”

The first thing that comes to mind is what you should do.  Maybe it’s go to bed early, or read, or play a game with your kiddos, or just sit in silence for a minute. Practice this daily and you will learn to be more in tune with what your needs are so that you can continue to build healthy habits in time management.

And then the next time you see one of your kiddos struggling, sit down on the floor, place their hand over their heart, and ask them what their heart needs the most right now.  It will change the temperature of the room and teach them a skill that will forever be valuable to them.

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It’s About Time…

Time…

Time is something everyone has in common.  Not one person has ever told me that they feel they have all the time in a day they need to do all the things they want to do.

Everyone feels like they wished they had more time.

We all know it is the only commodity that once it is spent, we can’t make more of.

We all have times in our lives, maybe even every day, where we feel up against the clock.

Not one person lives without the concept of a clock.  Not even a baby. How many times have you heard the phrase “must be that time again”?  And then when the clock is referenced, that person realizes that their own internal clock is telling them something important.

Not having enough time can be the biggest stressor in people’s lives.

Time can make our attitude or break our attitude, right?

Some of the most rude and offensive people I have ever been around or worked with are stressed about being pressed for time.

Let’s look at morning routines for an example:

You are running late leaving the house for work.  Maybe it’s only 3 minutes but you could close that gap if you push the gas pedal a little harder so it’s fine, really.  And then you come around the corner and quickly pump the brakes because the car in front of you is going so slow you can feel your hair graying.  At this point you feel the blood pressure rise. There is a consequence for being late for work, right? The threat of our income can make us feel all kinds of feelings. So you follow too closely, maybe say some curse words, or maybe even pass in an unsafe zone.  This isn’t your true nature but when the stress mounts you start doing and saying things that you would do otherwise.

Or how about this one parents:

Getting kids out the door in the morning…yup the dreaded late for school or daycare behavior…You tell them to hurry, they respond by moving slower.  You explain everyone is in a hurry, they can’t find their other shoe. You race around feeling the stress building, they start crying and therefore do nothing you asked of them.  You start raising your voice, they cry harder and now you are left to treating them like a ragdoll because they can’t even seem to stand up on their own. Now the morning is shot and so are everyone’s nerves.  It’s going to be hard for your children to learn and just as hard for yourself to shake it off and work with purpose and joy.

No one wants to live like this.  It’s simply our humanity and unlearned skills that leave us grasping at straws.

But there is a better way.  You can learn new tools that will empower you, and in turn, empower your kiddos.

Time management tools for the whole family can free up your time as your kiddos start to become even more independent.  

Could you imagine your child getting out of bed in the morning with a smile and then carrying that smile through tackling their whole morning routine independently?

It is possible!

But it comes from a place of example.  If you don’t illustrate this with authenticity, your kids will never get on board too.

How would it feel to go through your day and not feel the pressure of the clock?

What would it mean to you to have a set of skills and tools available to make the clock work for you?

What could it be like to empower your kids to have the same tools?

Can you feel the peace that could live in your home by making the time to learn these skills?

I know it’s possible because I have done this with my own family.

I was blessed enough to have an 11 year gap between our last 2 kids.  It’s like raising 2 separate families!

With the first 2 kids, I was that stressed mom who was always yelling at them to hurry up, rushing from one thing to another like my hair was on fire.  I would get frustrated when my rushing would slow them down and that just increased my frustration. See the vicious cycle happening?

And as they got older, I started to see how this was affecting their attitude in so many areas of their lives.  I was young and had no clue how something as small as rushing them out the door in the morning could have such a severe impact on how they viewed managing their lives.  

I started to see how they waited for me to tell them to do more and more.  They stopped taking responsibility for their time and this led to them taking less responsibility in every other area.

When I learned better time management techniques, I thought that just doing these things in front of them was enough.  

It wasn’t.

Even though the older boys are grown now, they still struggle with some time management stuff.  

Our little surprise who is now 6, doesn’t struggle the same way the older boys do.  He is empowered to care for himself and his things in a timely manner that allows him to head out the door with a smile and a heart full of joy in the morning.

And it isn’t cutting into anyone’s sleep to make it a reality.

So often I hear from parents that they don’t have the time to do a time management class.

I would say that they don’t have the time not to.

If I would have had these resources when the older boys were little, I would have spent less time in their teenage years battling with them.  

I often think back with some regret for the time that was wasted because we didn’t make the time to figure it out sooner.  

But I am grateful for the chance to make things different for each of my children now. And to show them that having the strength of character to change something that isn’t working is a valuable quality.

Time is going to pass anyway…don’t let the stress of it passing be the reason you don’t LOVE the way you spend your time.  Your family feels it. You feel it.

You all deserve to spend your time more peacefully.

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